Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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