I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he puts the penis in happiness.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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