how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
