it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think i have two assholes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
