I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
