you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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