i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The beer is more important than you right now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize