o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
