quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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