God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
