this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize