Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
