its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize