If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
