the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize