SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
please come you make the beer taste better
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
