Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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