Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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