even my farts smell like vagina
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
