my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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