Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize