Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
