Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
