drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
