my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
