My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize