You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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