Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
