It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
