Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
