think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
