y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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