part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
