WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
