i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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