Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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