Duck Duck Cougar?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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