are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
