so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
