I heard we made out
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
be right there i have to get my cape
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
