If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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