I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
