East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
