I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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