hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
