I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
