If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
