so explain again why im purple
no
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
