You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
