Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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