He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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