We named our party play list daddy issues
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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