if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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