I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
