I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
