This is not my ceiling
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
