I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
