yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
