I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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