I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
