forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
