My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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