ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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