Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
