Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
