They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
