I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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