I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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