glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Randomize
